Is your life as a couple happy? Five signs that warn you if the "risk of unhappiness" is lurking for you.Don't store avocado like this: it's dangerous
La happiness, in couple life, it is like the background on which all the events of life can be supported: it supports, nourishes, and is nourished by shared experiences, the sense of belonging that grows, the loving attentions that are reciprocally exchanged, the intimacy that deepens and cement the relationship. Sometimes, however, it cracks; at some point - almost without one having a clear awareness - something no longer works as it used to.
We settle down in one quiet mediocrity, potentially dangerous (because it is a harbinger of unhappiness) and gradually change behavior. Here are five signs to watch out for before it's too late.
In a happy relationship it is pleasure share thoughts, facts of your life with your loved one. It is not, of course, a question of saying everything-everything but of telling about oneself, the little confidences. Deepens knowledge e creates intimacy. Each has its own level of sharing but if it has decreased over time, if the pace of life regularly manages to obstruct communication, if the pleasure of sharing thoughts-actions-episodes is no longer there ... here, beware.
Everything is always fine
At the beginning of a relationship, the eyes of "ammmmore" always show everything pink; the feeling and the good predisposition actually allow us to look at the important things; they leave out the small, insignificant facts (in reality, sometimes, even aspects that are not marginal). But then, the normal daily grind, and the physiological downsizing of the peak of enthusiasm, lead back to one more realistic view, however much in love.
So it happens to confront each other more clearly about how much of the partner does not go there (habits, behaviors and so on: from socks scattered around the house, to the tube of toothpaste, we know that the uses and customs are the most different). At some point though the "complaints" can end. Magically. And instead of breathing a sigh of relief (because the "breakup" is over), it's time to worry: it could mean that the person next to us thinks that telling you things is now useless, not because he has accepted them as part of you but because it considers you a lost cause. E the frustrations that accumulate silently can become mental or emotional ruminations that do not do well. Nor do they make you happy.
Too many complaints and discussions
There is also the opposite side of the coin. Too many complaints e few appreciations received (or expressed to the person next to us). It is the so-called Gottman's magical report: they are needed 5 positive mutual interactions, loving, constructive to balance 1 negative. If this balance is lost, at least permanently, personal unhappiness grows and the relationship is severely tested in terms of duration.
The 5: 1 ratio - Did you know that…? from Anna Maria Cebrelli, Love Coach on Vimeo.
Diverging directions and objectives
Even if we live together it is absolutely legitimate, indeed it is good, that each maintain their own interests, follow your passions and goals. But all this should be included within a superordinate goal, which is life and the couple goals. When you begin to lose this reference, the investment you make in your relationship is decreasing: whether it is a cause or a consequence of the couple's lack of satisfaction, it doesn't matter. This is a very important warning sign.
In the early periods of a relationship (months or even years), one makes oneself beautiful for the other or the other, surprises are made, we invent and think about special situations. The gaze is always ready to grasp new and beautiful aspects of the loved one. In the comfort of a relationship that seems consolidated, the risk is take the person for granted that you love. She always sees her as equal to herself, well known and well known. There are no more surprises, there are no more emotions. More than unhappiness it is a vague sense of boredom potentially dangerous why thatlonged for sense of happiness exciting generally leads in two directions: one goes towards frustration (which will then become more or less subtle aggression and directed towards the partner) the other is to look around. Watch out, then.
However, one thing is important to remember: there is hardly any unhappiness that cannot be overcome. If you both work on yourself and also on the relationship, every crisis can, absolutely and always, develop new resources and - after a “down” phase - bring the couple's life to a level of satisfaction and happiness even higher than before.
This is also the beauty of walking and, through life and the couple, growing together.
Anna Maria Cebrelli
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