We learn to forgive and let go of past wrongs to feel at peace with the world. Forgiveness has much more to do with ourselves and our inner world than with the person we are supposed to forgive.
Don't store avocado like this: it's dangerousWe learn to to forgive and to let go of the wrongs suffered in the past to feel at peace with the world. Forgiveness has much more to do with ourselves and our inner world than with the person we are supposed to forgive.
So much time may have passed since the wrong was done that the effects of that action have now completely disappeared from our life. And if that person has truly regretted what he did towards us and somehow wants to reconnect with us or at least recover a civil relationship, we can seriously start thinking about forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean leaving yourself at the mercy of new wrongs to suffer. The lesson of the past will have taught us something. Forgiveness serves us above all to ourselves for finally put the past aside and look forward.
In some situations, perhaps the person in question will never know that you have forgiven him, yet an inner change will have taken place within you. Forgiveness is something we choose first of all for ourselves, to feel good and to help heal a wound. It can also happen that you have to forgive yourself.
Index
Accept the reality
Forgiving means first of all accepting the reality of what happened in the past and understanding how things have changed since then. It also means changing our inner state of mind with respect to the situation that made us suffer. Acceptance is an important first step in letting go of the past and looking to the future. This is not always a simple move. With forgiveness we are dealing with another person's action towards us, but we are also dealing with ourselves and how we feel.
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Why is it difficult to forgive?
Sometimes it is difficult to forgive because you feel loaded with feelings of revenge, you feel superior to the person who has wronged you, or you simply don't know how to resolve a certain situation. Also you can try anger, you can feel victimized and at the same time be able to take advantage of the situation because the adrenaline gives us the charge. At other times, however, there is the concern that forgiving a person means reconnecting with them at any cost or losing them forever. But that particular person does not necessarily have to know (immediately) that you have forgiven them.
Maybe she'll be the one to meet you and apologize, but before you forgive her in person, you need to make sure she's taken on her responsibilities and isn't blaming others yet.
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Forgiveness is an experience of growth
Both forgiveness and what we have experienced because of the wrong we have suffered can be considered as real experiences of growth. A life without obstacles does not allow us to change for the better. Perhaps at some point, at least within us, we will meet again not only to forgive but also to thank in a certain way those who have hurt us because perhaps they will have made us better people capable of defending themselves and reacting.
Express forgiveness
We can decide whether or not to tell the person in question that we have forgiven them. Perhaps this person is no longer part of our life or is no longer there, or circumstances do not allow us to reconnect, because we prefer that this does not happen or for other reasons. We can still forgive the people within us to finally let the anger and resentment flow away, but we can also express forgiveness through a letter that we will decide to keep for ourselves or to deliver to the person concerned if we think he will be able to understand our feelings.
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After forgiveness
Forgiveness does not erase what happened in the past but it simply makes us feel freer and lighter compared to a situation that made us suffer. Forgiveness means letting go of the past to look forward and improve. With forgiveness, one feels at peace with oneself and with the world, authorized to be happy.
Marta Albè
