The four factors that determine jealousy in the couple relationship.Don't keep the avocado like this: it's dangerous The four factors that determine jealousy in the couple relationship.
"Jealousy, it blinds me, it kills me, absurd disease": who does not remember Bobby Solo's song? A bit 'all, sooner or later, we have probably tried it, even imagining - on the other hand it is what we are told a little in all ways - that it is a feeling linked to love that one feels when you are involved in a romantic relationship.
But is it true that this feeling demonstrates love, really if you love you can only feel at least a little jealousy? Maybe yes. For example, Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov affirms this, and explains why: "Jealousy is inextricably linked to sensual love. As long as you are physically attached to a being, you would like him to belong only to you ”. But there are three other aspects to consider:esteem, quality of the relationship and transgenerational memories.
It is evident that a low level of personal self-esteem always makes you feel inadequate, therefore easily "let down" or "betrayal", does not allow you to trust the other person, leads to seeing "dangers" everywhere: it does not matter whether this is true or not , it is a constant worm that creeps into the relationship (and, often, inevitably ends up becoming a prophecy that comes true).
Jealousy also contains elements of alert with respect to the "maintenance" and "safeguarding" of (one's own) relational "territory" which will be stronger the less clear the boundaries, intimacy, agreement and behavior within the couple. Those who find themselves in a solid history, based on a strong dialogue, a deep understanding on several fronts, a common planning, in which the partners are also used to facing difficulties together, will hardly be prey to attacks of jealousy. And it will know, in any case, to recognize when and if there are signs that something is taking an unwanted direction.
Finally there are the transgenerational memories: yes because, apart from our history (and the emotional experiences lived in childhood), we interpret, perceive, feel our experiences and meet people also using information we are not aware of but which represent a piece of inheritance from our family tree. Obviously, everything can go well or we can find ourselves with insecurities or, even, a propensity to betray that depends above all on those who Hellinger he calls, in the family constellations, "orders of love".
So yes, jealousy is connected to love but in a deviated, distorted way: it is no coincidence that it moves away from love and the loved one, favors destructive behaviors, nourishes the desire for control. It hurts both those who experience it and those who "suffer" it. However, it must be said, even this "ugly beast" (obviously in its "normal" and non-pathological modalities, which instead require a real therapeutic treatment) after all, if we want it, is useful: it highlights parts of us or our relationship that need attention or at least need to bring to light in a conscious way.
Then it will be easier to love, without fear of losing or getting lost.
Anna Maria Cebrelli