Jealousy and quarrels between brothers and sisters: how to best manage and deal with them

Do brothers and sisters fight often? Here are six keys to help you better manage these types of quarrels and jealousies.

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Do brothers and sisters fight often? Here are six keys to help you better manage these types of quarrels and jealousies.

One of the biggest concerns of parents with more than one son or daughter is knowing how to manage jealousy and quarrels between them. There are many doubts and questions that assail us about how we can achieve good family harmony: why does jealousy arise between siblings? Are they inevitable? But above all, how can we deal with this situation, which undoubtedly seems to us to be a problem?

Here are six essential points that every parent needs to keep in mind for efficient management of jealousy and quarrels between siblings to apply in everyday life:

Index

Recognize emotions

Repressing jealousy or envy will not make them disappear, on the contrary, it could only make the situation worse. Asking our children with curiosity and empathy about their emotions, explaining to them that it is normal for them to feel love and at the same time jealousy of their brothers or sisters will make them feel understood and, therefore, loved.

I understand that you feel a little angry about the presence of your brother / sister. Maybe you think parents won't do the same for you… what you feel is called jealousy. Okay, nothing happens ”, is the phrase that the coaching specialist for parents and motherhood María Ángeles Jové Pons advises to parents.

Understanding the benefits of fighting

Quarrels between brothers and sisters also have a positive function for the development of personality and identity. In fact, during these conflicts they have the opportunity to know their limitations and to acquire innumerable social skills. Our family is our first "company" and our brothers are our first best friends and, at the same time, our "first opponents".

Finding solutions together

Conflicts and jealousy are often a sign that our son or daughter needs more attention or exclusive time. It is important to talk to the child and think together what could help him feel better or observe him to understand what he might need and propose solutions.

Individualized attention

Regarding the previous point, one of these solutions to follow absolutely is to spend time alone with each of them. With the hectic pace of life it might seem impossible, however we have to try, the whole family will benefit from it. Even if it's only 5 minutes, taking a moment of mutual enjoyment and free play to communicate and strengthen bonds separately is very important.

Neither judge nor police officer

The classic question of "who started?" will always have the same answer: "not me, but the other". If the conflict is leveling up, we can try to calmly separate them: "now it doesn't seem like you can be together, it's better that you calm down in different spaces". The struggle is a widespread situation that we do not intend to clarify or resolve with blame and reproach.

Let us remember to offer them autonomy to resolve their conflicts on their own. Do not intervene unless they are hurting themselves. If we separate them quickly, we risk not being impartial and, even if we had the gift of objectivity, our children would always interpret our intervention as if we were "supporting" or "punishing" them in some way.

Adults also need to work on their emotions

Let's face it these circumstances among our children sometimes make us nervous, we don't know how to deal with them and we do the opposite of what it would be right to do. It is important to look at ourselves and recognize what we are feeling and why, and also we must always breathe, reflect and always guide situations with common sense and respect, regardless of what our children feel and the reasons they have.

Jealousy is a feeling and experiencing it is completely normal. Working properly on these quarrels is the key to the future social relationships of your sons and daughters.

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Fonte: El País / Educating is everything

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