How to defend yourself from manipulators and liars

How to develop skills and abilities to recognize psychopaths who come into our life.

Don't store avocado like this: it's dangerous

Psychopaths are all around us. Between us. At first glance they are fascinating, they make a good impression but then, day after day, they show their real tendency: without too many problems they lie, they manipulate situations, they have no remorse for what they do and they know how to do everything to achieve their goals. Empathy, for them, is almost or completely unknown; self-centered, self-inflated, they do not feel guilt, they always justify their behavior also, often, attributing the responsibility to others.

As a controversial study published in 2010 pointed out, they are often successful people, with managerial positions at work, who are distinguished by great charisma and communication skills. But zero sensitivity, total selfishness.

What to do when one or more psychopaths - whose egos are bigger than the room they are in, who seem to tolerate only themselves and bask without restraint in their presumed greatness, only able to belittle and act bully, albeit within the limits of law to achieve their goals - are you office colleague, boss, partner, friend, parent or other family member? The answer is contained in a manual (small in size, 12 × 16,8 cm; robust in structure - with cardboard cover - and in the contents of the rich 288 pages) written by Barbel Mechler and edited by Macro Editions"Surrounded by psychopaths - How to successfully defend yourself from manipulators, liars, selfish, untrustworthy and tyrants".

Basically, to get out of the role of (their) victim, you have to do two things: naturally, become more aware of yourself (of your mechanisms, your beliefs, your attitudes: to then work on it) and then learn how the psychopath "works" to recognize him, "catch him" and then react differently in front of his "provocations" and behaviors, in front of his respectable facade. It will be of great help to have realized that they are not "strong" people, really "powerful" but rather individuals with a great lack: because without or with little conscience.

In addition to practical advice (for example: practice understanding the analogue language expressed by your body, ignore provocations, do not give power and room for maneuver, become strategically allies, give compliments that are actually criticisms), full of anecdotes that help to understand them better and then lower them into their own reality, in this book the importance of a not only "defensive" but constructive approach is emphasized, with a broader view that invites us to consider our individual responsibility in small and big choices everyday, in creating a better or more selfish, manipulative, predatory, subtly psychopathic world.

One last thing, important: leaving the role of victim cannot be done to the detriment of anyone, not even the psychopath. “Be careful not to hurt him, not to trigger the mechanism of suffering unnecessarily - warns Mechler -. The world is a difficult enough place and urgently needs healing, so we don't want to forget that our defense mechanisms also create suffering in psychopaths. In what we do, we plan, it is good to proceed with caution and respect, as you would do with an analgesic: if you only take the minimum necessary, otherwise you run the risk of getting intoxicated ".

In short, the defense mechanism, the strategy put in place will only have to guarantee the quality of one's life, nothing else. Zero spite, retaliation, power play, manipulation. “We do not want to pose as judges - continues the author of the book -, our only purpose is to protect our health and our feelings from the brutal behavior of these individuals by resorting to firm, safe and competent reactions. And this is precisely what makes the difference: acting to solve difficulties and not to create others ". And at this point, later, when we have learned to manage or remove the psychopaths of our life, there may also be forgiveness: that act that alone allows us to heal, to deeply cleanse the psyche.

Read also:

• The trap of those who want to manipulate us with flattery
• 10 'toxic' people we should stay away from
• How to avoid absorbing negative energy from other people

A clarification: it goes without saying that only a psychologist or a psychiatrist can make a diagnosis and establish whether, in terms of mental health, someone is a "psychopath" or not. But on everything else, I think, we understand each other.

Anna Maria Cebrelli