7 Strategies for a happy and healthy life as a couple

Seven strategies to improve happiness and communication in a couple's life.

Don't store avocado like this: it's dangerous

The life of every couple is inevitably made up of ups and downs, of moments of conflict and harmony; what makes the difference is the way in which difficulties are faced: if they translate into constructive ideas, an opportunity to clarify, face together, define new ways of "mutual encounter" the couple grows, deepens their bond and increases it the quality.





The solid, mature couple does not avoid conflicts but knows how to face and overcome them without either partner having to "suffer", being trampled on or ignored. It goes without saying that it helps one good communication, made up of respect for each other and for oneself as well as mutual respect (both authentic, of course). Three "tricks" to make it happen:

  1. first, everyone has to face and accept their inevitable share of responsibility.
  2. Second, discussions must remain firm on the "problem", on a practical level;
  3. third, you must never move - in comparison - to other planes, personal or extended (that time I, that time you; you are never like this, you are always like this; your friends here, your parents there and so on).

And then, according to the American psychologist John gottman, a healthy and happy couple knows how to implement seven strategies:

Index

Build your own "menu of tenderness"

Habit and taking for granted the presence of the partner often makes you lose sight of the details. The consequence is that we begin to lose deep contact. It is important to always keep open to the person we love, curiosity, attention and listening; knowing how to always look at it with new eyes: this creates a space in our heart and at the same time makes the other person feel in our heart.

Cultivate mutual esteem

For a good, healthy and satisfying life as a couple, mutual respect is essential. If there are bitterness, unresolved or actions that undermine it, we need to work on it. Or think about it: what is the sense of leading an emotional life with someone who does not esteem himself?


Every day, get closer

The focus is on small daily attentions, on sharing. Being together also means "doing things together". Happily doing things together strengthens being a couple. You don't need a "full immersion" every now and then: sure, it doesn't hurt but the structure, the plot of the relationship is built day by day. Maybe with small, intimate, rituals: coffee sipped calmly together. The TV program watched and commented together.


7 Strategies for a happy and healthy life as a couple

Being influenced by the partner

Really listen to the point of view of those we love. Even if it seems unreasonable, try to make it ours. Obviously it is a behavior that must be reciprocal and helps to overcome the normal differences of focus and attention and way of reacting to the problems that - in fact - exist between men and women, or between more "synthetic, holistic" individual perspectives and others more "logical, analytical".

Put yourself in the other person's shoes

This strategy also requires reciprocity, in the medium and long term. Having said that, "putting on the shoes" of the person you love, striving for a deep understanding, deepens the bond, helps to get closer and makes you feel your support. And it makes both of them more willing to compromise, more capable of accepting their own defects and that of the other.

Dealing with boulder problems

There are situations or problems that can represent real threats to life as a couple, beyond love. If one wants children and the other doesn't, for example. If one wants to move to America and the other doesn't. In these cases we need to give ourselves time, without immediately seeking a solution or a definitive decision: so that things can emerge, so that we can talk about them, together. Talking about it, again, is the "secret": telling one's motivations, one's own experience with respect for oneself. Listening to the other with respect for his positions. This obviously does not mean that things will magically resolve themselves: at the beginning it can be destabilizing, stirring even greater fears. The gain is in clarity, in mutual sincerity: if the approach is constructive, both and the quality of the couple's relationship will gain, whatever the final result (including a possible separation of paths, if an agreement has not been found or not you can live with the situation).



Walk in the same direction

7 Strategies for a happy and healthy life as a couple

As the Little Prince, to love is to "look in the same direction". It is not a question of having the same ideas, of doing all things together but of sharing the same vision, of having some and clear planning as a couple. And the time spent alone also counts. A time for the couple: to be included in the weekly schedule, with daily details and "special events". Because in addition to the direction we must not forget the care, the relationship.

READ also:

  • IN LOVE, CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO GROW BY YOUR SIDE
  • 15 LITTLE SECRETS TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LAST VERY LONG (ILLUSTRATIONS)

Anna Maria Cebrelli

Illustrations by Nidhi Chamani

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