BP vs. Big Z

By Beachwood Reporter on Saturday, June 26, 2010

Compare and contrast.

BP: Environmental disaster.
Big Z: Mental disaster.

BP: Beyond Petroleum.
Big Z: Beyond Reason.

BP: Owned by lying, evil corporate executives.
Big Z: Owned by lying, evil corporate executives.

BP: Leaking oil.
Big Z: Leaking brains.

BP: Unable to be contained.
Big Z: Unable to be contained.

BP: Oil boom.
Big Z: Goes boom.

BP: Responsible for tar balls.
Big Z: Responsible for gopher balls.

BP: Blames subcontractors for woes.
Big Z: Blames teammates for woes.

BP: Can't stop leak.
Big Z: Can't stop his mouth.

BP: Spewing toxin into the Gulf.
Big Z: Toxic in the clubhouse.

BP: Pitching bullshit.
Big Z: Will pitch out of the bullpen.

BP: Pinning hopes on relief well.
Big Z: Pinning hopes on relief pitchers.

BP: Laying waste to Gulf Coast economy.
Big Z: Laying waste to Wrigleyville economy.

BP: Trying to collect as much oil as possible until eventual solution is in place.
Big Z: Trying to collect as much salary as possible until eventual trade or release.

BP: Marginalized and ridiculed during Crosstown Series.
Big Z: Likewise.

BP: Making Exxon look good in comparison.
Big Z: Making Milton Bradley look good in comparison.

BP: Prospects of finding new oil made more difficult by current situation.
Big Z: Prospects of finding new team made more difficult by current situation.

BP: Obama is fed up.
Big Z: Ronnie Woo-Woo is fed up.

BP: Hayward under pressure for mishandling disaster.
Big Z: Hendry under pressure for enabling disaster.

BP: Government intervention into relief effort was inevitable.
Big Z: Psychiatric intervention into rehab effort is inevitable.

BP: Hoping the world's attention is focused elsewhere by September.
Big Z: Hoping he's pitching elsewhere by September.

BP: "Beyond Petroleum" tagline now seems ludicrous.
Big Z: "Staff Ace" designation now seems ludicrous.

BP: Stock price at all-time low.
Big Z: Trade value at all-time low.

BP: Moral of the story: highly combustible product + lack of internal controls = bad combination.
Big Z: Moral of the story: highly combustible personality + lack of self-control = bad combination.

Posted Saturday, June 26, 2010 by Beachwood Reporter

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