How The Cubs Killed 18 Minutes

By Beachwood Reporter on Friday, May 28, 2010

The Cubs game on Wednesday night was delayed for 18 minutes when the power went out at Wrigley Field and in parts of Wrigleyville. Here's what various members of the Cubs did to pass the time.

Lou Piniella: Drank a Falstaff, tinkered with the lineup one more time, and told the damn kids to get off his lawn.

Col. Jessup: Packed a bag and called his sister to let her know he was coming to Washington.

Cubs bullpen: Had just enough time to catch up with the latest chapter in their audio book club.

Carlos Zambrano: Conducted an emergency phone session with his therapist.

Geovany Soto: Smoked a big, fat doobie.

Derrek Lee: Practiced leading by example.

Aramis Ramirez: Rebuffed Rudy Jaramillo three more times.

Tom Ricketts: Made $200,000 in interest, completed a million-dollar hedge fund trade and rehearsed pleading poverty in advance of his next crappy Toyota sign deal. Also, looked in the mirror and practiced being just a regular ol' Cubs fan with a really rich father.

Alfonso Soriano: Remained in left field, oblivious to the delay.

Carlos Silva: Sacrificed another goat as part of his deal with the devil.

John Grabow: Tried to help ComEd workers fixing the outage but just made things worse by walking the first electrician he saw and giving up a two-run shot to the union steward supervising the situation.

Jim Hendry: Signed Bob Howry contract in the dark. Also re-acquired LaTroy Hawkins and Mel Rojas.

Rudy Jaramillo: Stashed his new supply of corked bats in Storage Room B.

Ron Santo: Kept telling nonsensical story, unaware that play had been halted.

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