Best Of Game Notes Vol. 9

Well, Cedeno has finally been benched for a spell, which is long overdue, but even that wasn't enough for the Cubs to overcome the mighty... Pirates. But there's hope, and by hope I mean Derrek Lee. That's at least one reason to watch a while during this latest Cubs skid. Plus, Zambrano's on the hill tonight...



Anyway, on to the latest round of Game Notes.

• Somebody needs to update that "average life span of a baseball" factoid. You know, the one you see on trivia ads above urinals. There's no way it's 6 pitches any more. The general public needs to know. I feel very strongly about this.
  
  
• AWL thinks Pagan's hitting third has to do with the moon and Aquarius. He would know -- he's a Leo. Wait a second... Pagan's hitting frickin' third???
  
  
• Since when did Blanco develop a fashion sense? Or something, anyway. That new catcher's gear is downright gaudy. It looks like it was designed by Cross Colors.
  
  
• Cedeno hits a homerun and Blanco gets an infield single... say what? What the hell is going on? The odds on that were like a million to one. If Jacques Jones would just draw a walk, we could have played that Trifecta and bought an island.
  
  
• I've come to the conclusion that Wuertz is like the white Novoa and Novoa is like the black Wuertz.
  
  
• With Len making "the Riot" quips about Theriot, I guess we're all just biding our time to make the "Cum on feel the noize" jokes. 'Cause Theriot is Wild, Wild, Wild!
  
  
• If it comes down to a position player pitching the 17th inning, let's just say my vote is NOT Juan Pierre.
  
  
• If those Bud Light commercials run long enough, the guy who plays Zagar is totally going to be typecast. I hope his agent warned him.
  
  
• I think Pettitte should promote Colt 45 on a retro night in Houston. You know, since his last name has four 'Ts.' Get it? Get it? 4 T's?
  
  
• Neifi's been traded! Blow out the altar candles -- this one's been answered.
  
  
• Wait a second... so Neifi really did clear waivers?
  
  
• The Cardinals announcers are all over Cedeno on E6 as he plays it to the side. "This is the big leagues," they say, and so you gotta keep the ball in front of you. Couldn't agree more. Cedeno is playing like a Daewoo racing at Talladega.
  
  
• Shake 'n Bake, baby! Shake 'n Bake.
  
  
• No effing way -- Carlton from the Fresh Prince is in a celebrity duet TV contest? It's a mad world. Although, I think we'd all watch if he broke it down to "Do the Carlton!" one last time...
  
  
• And in other news, biologists have measured that Neifi-related double switches have returned to acceptable levels, and it's now safe to swim again.
  

That's all I got. Maybe I need to scrape the fungus off my shower shoes or something. Frickin' losing streaks... they just squelch my sense of humor.