As Bad As It Gets

Well, the last thing I feel like doing is writing about Cubs baseball. If you can’t say something nice, better not to say anything at all, my teachers told me. Plus, there’s that old adage about speaking well of the dead, and this Cubs season certainly seems deader than a doornail.

But facts are facts. It’s as bad as it’s been since I can remember. Even 2000 and 2002 weren’t this bad, and they only won 65 and 67 games those years. (This ’06 team is on pace for 63 wins.) They’ve made bad pitchers look good. They’ve made bad lineups look good. And by comparison, they just look worse and worse. And worse.

I mean, for crying out loud:

• Juan Pierre has 2 RBI in 191 AB.
  
• Todd Walker and Matt Murton lead the club with 17 walks. Meanwhile Carlos Zambrano has allowed 38 walks all by himself in 10 starts.
  
• The Cubs have used 4 starters no longer in the rotation for 15 starts – Guzman, Hill, Williams, and Rusch – and each has an ERA over 7.
  
• The bench corps – Hairston, Bynum, Mabry and Perez – are all hitting between .221 and .186.
  
• Henry Blanco is hitting .051. If you’re counting, that’s 2 for 39. He needs to go 8 for 8 to get above the Mendoza line.
  
• The Cubs have grounded into 49 double plays in 46 games.
  
• The Cubs pitchers have walked 211 hitters. The Cubs lineup has drawn 115 walks.
  
• Remember that 115 walks drawn? Compare that to 245 strikeouts for the lineup.
  
• Ronny Cedeno has struck out 31 times, compared to 5 walks, all by himself.

And so on. No point singling anybody out because everyone has been bad. It’s beyond maddening.

At some point, it’s almost like Ron Burgundy to Baxter: “What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing!” Except, I am mad.

Who would be the Cubs token All-Star right now? Barrett, I suppose, as long as his suspension isn’t too long? Todd Walker? Zambrano, with another couple of solid starts? They don’t have a single player deserving, really.

The worst part? This 4-18 stretch was during the easiest part of the schedule. Now they play Atlanta, Cincinnati, Houston, St. Louis and Detroit, all of whom are over .500. Sweet.

*sigh* What else is there to say? It ain’t been good, and it don’t look good. Nope, it’s not a good year for someone who lets Cubs games affect his mood, I can tell you that much.