End Of Nothing

Bittersweet would be too positive a word to describe the end of the Cubs' 05 home season. I wasn't there for the official finale but watched with one eye and ear to the fitting ending -- bases loaded in the ninth and nothing to show for it. Jose Macias, a Dusty Baker favorite, made the last out; Corey Patterson, Wrigley wipping boy, struck out to help snuff the rally. The next noises emanating from Clark and Addison will be construction on the expanded bleachers.

I tried to just listen to the cheers from my condo five blocks away early on Wednesday to discern what was happening. I thought maybe the Cubs were leading, but by the time I turned it on TV they were trailing 2-0. Their final home record was 38-43. It seems most of their good streaks this season took place away from home. After a dry summer weather-wise, it rained on the Cubs final homestand three of the last four games. The Cubs were having their annual "closeout'' sale on merchandise -- I passed -- and empty seats were in abundance despite the announced attendance figures, which count tickets sold, not those who pass through the turnstiles. I think no-shows made a statement in the last few weeks, or tried to. The weather didn't help and the Cubs already had banked their money months ago, so it was all a rather futile, empty feeling for those who stayed until the bitter end.

I was there for two of the final four, trying to muster some enthusiasm, trying to enjoy the wreck of a wasted year on the North Side. Greg Maddux was enthusiastically applauded for trying to squeeze out a 14th win Tuesday night, but his nemesis -- the long ball -- and a lack of offense did him in. The Cubs did take two of three from Houston but there isn't much satisfaction in the role of "spoiler.'' Sunday's game was a good one actually, with the Cubs doing a few of the "little'' things like timely hitting that was so lacking when we needed it. Burnitz, a symbol of the Cubs' inconsistency, hit the winning homer and stands out as one of those guys you can argue both ways about -- do we want him back for another year or do we need to upgrade and start all over in the outfield? I can live with either direction but can't realistically imagine a World Series winner with an aging, hit-or-miss slugger as your best outfielder. At least he made us forget about Sammy, most of the time anyway, with his solid defense and effort.

We had a good time fraternizing with the few regulars who showed up in our section Tuesday night, took a few pictures and said our goodbyes until next year. Much time was spent commiserating about the Chisox as we watched the scoreboard and saw they lost -- again -- Tuesday night. Then we got the result of Cleveland's loss so the noose did not tighten on Ozzie's outfit, but it is not a comfortable situation with five games left, the last two at Cleveland. The wild card gives them a little breathing room, but not much. I'm sure some Cub fans are so anti-Sox they're rooting for their collapse to become complete, but I'm not one of them. It's too painful to think of what they must be going through -- what we would be feeling if it were happening to our heroes -- after such a fantastic start to their season. They deserve to make the playoffs with 95-plus wins. I hope the Yankees are the ones left on the outside; they've had enough postseason glory to last several lifetimes. Go Sox (White and Red).

It was a strange season with two of the most indelible memories coming from individual moments, Maddux' 3000th strikeout on a late July night and Ryne Sandberg's retirment ceremony in late August. Typical Cubs, more about individual than team accomplishment. We embraced Derrek Lee's amazing consistency and hope he holds on for a batting title. It appears only three starting spots for next year are locked up -- Lee, Aramis Ramirez at third and the catching combo of Michael Barrett and Henry Blanco. Everything else is up for grabs, as it should be (the fans want Nomar back for another shot, badly, but finances will play a large role in that decison). We wait for some youngsters to really break through and inject new life into a team that lacked inspiration for much of '05. So far, the best thing we've seen is Matt Murton, who came along with Nomar as a "throw in'' but looks like a keeper in the otherwise unproductive outfield.

It seemed the Cubs were on their way a few years ago, so giddy were we with expectations even after the heartbreak of the '03 NLCS. Postseason every year, the World Series not beyond our reach. I am beginning to understand the hard-earned wisdom of an old friend, colleague and Cubs fan who put it simply: If you just accept that the Cubs are never going to win the World Series in your lifetime, it makes them a lot easier to bear. I'm coming around to that view after this year especially, painful as it may be. Then I think, wait a minute, with a few of the right personnel moves and some breaks next year, you never know...

If anything this season has taught me not to get your hopes up too high with this team, EVER. So we'll try to be more cautious/cynical in the future, hoping not to endure too much (more) agony. I'm on the fence about renewing my season package of night and weekend games; it's a big commitment in terms of time and money, and part of me wants to "punish'' the Cubs for letting me down this year with their sloppy on-field performance. But I know I will not be able to get this team and its daily fortunes, its ultimate fate, too far from my mind no matter what. It's embedded too deeply in my brain and in my blood to turn back now.