Best Of Game Notes Vol. 9

Well, it's been another two weeks, which pretty well sucked in every respect. The games the Cubs did win, they got pretty lucky. And once Felipe Alou left town, those games were absent.



I've never picked a favorite Game Note punchline, but this time I will: "Maybe Dusty was listening to the Beastie Boys on his way to Queens: "Listen all of y'all it's a SABOTAGE."" For more on that, read the column I posted last night.



Anyway, read on for the best of the Game Notes, because if you're mad, you might as well at least try to get a laugh.

• '80s night. Could be interesting. Hot chicks in the bleachers...yes! Plus, Debbie -- excuse me, Deborah -- Gibson singing the anthem. It's nice to have a Chicago broadcast again.
  
  
• Bob says Ramirez would have doubled off Matheny if he had caught it. Except for the fact that there were two outs, right Bob?
  
  
• Bob says Deborah Gibson has "still got great pipes." I think that sounds funny.
  
  
• Alou strikes out looking. He immediately complains. It's just like old times!
  
  
• Feliz hits a homerun. A fan in the outfield finally throws back a fake ball someone handed him, to silence the "throw it back" chants. That's not cool.
  
  
• Gibson has a new single out called 'Naked.' Should I download it? No really, should I?
  
  
• Christiansen is taken down for Tyler Walker on a double switch. [That's the fifth pitching change in the inning for the Giants.] This is just plain wacky. Is it something in the San Francisco water? Like lead, or arsenic perhaps?
  
  
• The Giants intentionally walk Lee. Then they take down Tyler Walker for Fassero. I thought Fassero was washed up a few years ago. I had no idea he's still in the league. It's nice to be on the receiving side of these bad decisions for once.
  
  
• KEJ: " How many of the 80's songs did Len also recognize?" [...] Yeah, Len was on top of them. He had a Duran Duran song that I couldn't pick up quick enough, and he remembered My Sharona was by The Knack before I could put my finger on it. He was all over the Tears for Fears too. Sweet.
  
  
• With two strikes and 2999 Ks, Len says that "lots of people have a nice photo of Mike Matheny flying out to left." That one got me to chuckle out loud.
  
  
• Barrett hits a homerun. He killed that ball into the wind and rain. On the first pitch, too. Wow. He knew exactly what was coming and didn't miss by a millimeter. De ja vu, eh LaTroy?
  
  
• Gerut pops it up and Macias flies out. HELL. 11 LOB through 8. No decision for Maddux. [...] I have to mention that the Jody Gerut pinch hitting experiment is not starting out favorably.
  
  
• Fan cam: 4 for 12, and that's if we're generous. A lot of those girls had runny makeup in the rain.
  
  
• There's a couple at Wrigley with a little dog. Can you bring dogs into Wrigley? They must have smuggled him. The guy looks like Uncle Leo from Seinfeld, too.
  
  
• Ellison walks on four pitches to start the game, but is caught stealing. If I was a ballpark music guy, I'd play the barking dogs from the beginning of Jane's Addiction's "Been Caught Stealing" when that happens early in a game.
  
  
• As Blanco loses a ball in the dirt, Len jokes that Bob dropped a pen once and threw off his headset to look for it. Ha!
  
  
• Eyre comes out to warm up before the start of the half-inning, but then Correia is brought in. Alou and Dusty are still trying to out-dumb each other.
  
  
• Gerut pinch hits for Dempster. The one time we needed a double switch and Baker blew it.
  
  
• Alou brings in Fassero. If Dusty knew Fassero was coming in, I take it all back. I love how this is shaping up.
  
  
• During the post-game interview with Burnitz, Dempster comes up and slaps a pie in Burnitz's face.
  
  
• KEJ: "Sure was a sweet game. That play that Cedeno made in the 4th was even 10 times better live. I didn't get a chance to swing by here yesterday as I was hungover most of the day after the bar crawl that start with wrigley field and ended with some no name bar at 10pm. Good times GOOOOD times."
  
  
• KEJ: "And by the way.. we were sitting in aisle 532.. Which to most of you would sound shitty because its up at the top level in the ballpark, but once you realize that aisle 532 is the one next to the men's bathroom which features an old style vendor, a bud vendor and a chicago hot dog stand right by the bathroom door, then you realize that it is probably the best 500 level section in the park. I call it the "Golden Aisle"."
  
  
• Kerry Sayers is not bad looking. Better than Gail Fischer, I think. I checked Comcast online, so you can see for yourself: http://chicago.comcastsportsnet.com/talent.asp
  
  
• Hairston singles, but Cedeno erases him with a 6-4-3 DP. I was yelling "hit and run" at the TV, fearing just that.
  
  
• Mark Grace and Thom Brenneman are in the broadcasting booth, co-broadcasting with Len & Bob. Nice! I'm going to enjoy this.
  
  
• Len asks Grace for a Sandberg story. Grace asks what kind of story: "We can get naughty." It looks kind of gay on paper but it was just funny at the time.
  
  
• Thom remembers his first broadcast with Ron Santo and Bob Brenley, where in the first few seconds of the season Ron spilled coffee on himself and cussed on the air. Classic.
  
  
• Mark Grace joking about Lee: "Well, I think he just really fits the mold of a Cubs first baseman."
  
  
• Hollandsworth strikes out. I have no idea why Dusty pinch hit right there, other than this absurd blind allegiance to lefty/righty match ups. [...] Wait, Gerut is still in? So that's why Hollandsworth pinch hit -- it was for the pitcher. Dusty double switched in the 6th inning to take out Murton. That makes even less sense.
  
  
• Wait, Neifi is batting second? I give up. Dusty's lineups just piss me off.
  
  
• My lucky mechanical pencil ran out of lead. Of course, after the loss yesterday, maybe it's time for a new pencil. Not that I'm superstitious.
  
  
• A sign in the crowd reads "PRIOR: YOUR THE MAN." I laugh, because it's "you're," which reminds me that the drummer in the opening band I saw Saturday night had a t-shirt that said "YOUR RETARDED." Assuming it's supposed to be ironic, that's not bad.
  
  
• Apparently Borowski has been tearing it up for Tampa Bay. Man, I bet they're second guessing that move as the Cubs bullpen resembles amateur tryouts.
  
  
• Hi-Tops has a Cubs chopper, so Len mentions that Bob used to ride a bike. Apparently he was in a Harley gang with ex-major leaguers. They called themselves "The Bone Chips."
  
  
• Fan Cam goes 5 for 8 if you count the big boobs in a bikini in the background of shot #7.
  
  
• E-mail from JMI: "Ron Santo just sang Happy Birthday to Pat's daughter on the radio. That's entertainment."
  
  
• Fan cam: 8 for 13. Solid, although why are they hyping the Chris Isaak show this much? This is like the fifth time this week. Kinda creepy.
  
  
• I can't believe Aqua Velva is trying to make a comeback.
  
  
• Farnsworth has been traded to Atlanta. Huh. That could be really interesting. Maybe he'll end up drinking with OutKast.
  
  
• The Cubs have traded Jody Gerut to Pittsburgh for Matt Lawton. That explains the Hollandsworth substitution. "Well, Jody, I know we never even gave you a chance, but we're taking you out of the game because we've traded you to Pittsburgh. Good luck resuscitating your career out there. Lord knows you should be able to at least get some playing time. Just so you know, their women are not good looking, but they do have some delicious pierogis."
  
  
• Lawton is a two time all star? Was this the 'bad teams need a representative' rule? Although, they say he walks more than he strikes out, which could be a huge help.
  
  
• Lawton's batting helmet doesn't have a C! What's that all about?
  
  
• Neifi walks with two outs. Bob says that's 11 walks on the season for Neifi, so far. I can see why he was batting at the top of the order for a while.
  
  
• Hairston doubles, so the Phillies walk Lee intentionally, again. He's getting about 0.67 good pitches to hit per game now.
  
  
• Madson has a weird delivery, doesn't he? It's like he's trying out for the hammer throw.
  
  
• Hollandsworth stays in left field for Lawton. Welcome to the Dusty Baker Cubs, Matt. At least you're not Matt Murton, who now has to suffer through a road trip with no playing time in towns where no one will believe he's an MLB player.
  
  
• Len pulls a Steve Stone joke! "For you young closers out there, do not try this at home."
  
  
• Bob Brenley commenting on Dempster walking four before getting the out: "That was vintage Mitch Williams right there."
  
  
• KEJ: "I definitely pulled a JCB and said "What is this, Mitch Williams?" about 2 minutes before Brenley."
  
  
• The Cubs have an identical starting lineup with last night. (That sound is stunned silence.)
  
  
• Bob Brenly on Madson: "If he sticks his tongue out he looks like a zipper." He credits Rocky Bridges for that joke. Does "Rocky Bridges" exist?
  
  
• Urbina is in. Murton gets an at-bat, and strikes out. Could you hear the rust creaking?
  
  
• Lee walks on four pitches. There's a lot of pansy-itis going around.
  
  
• Len points out that Urbina is the only player in North American professional sports history with the initials UU. I would bet five dollars he got that information from Pat Hughes.
  
  
• That means Neifi, Macias and Blanco are hitting 6,7,8. That's not a leak so much as an open window for RBIs to escape. I hope the middle of the lineup catches fire.
  
  
• Blanco singles. RBI. The Lemons are making Lemonade. (*Groan*)
  
  
• A Michael Wuertz at-bat?!? Wow Dusty. We sure are glad you pinch hit for Willimas in the top of the fifth last night. I thought we would never get to see if Wuertz could hit. I'm so excited.
  
  
• Fan cam goes 1 for 8. It's tougher on the road I suppose to find enough hot chicks. Maybe it's all of Pennsylvania, not just Pittsburgh.
  
  
• Bob Brenly resorts to explaining the obvious again, saying that a batter will have a better idea of what to expect if he's already seen a pitcher recently.
  
  
• Cubs get three hits but no runs -- a double play and 2 LOB. Unless something drastic happens, I'm done taking notes tonight. There's only so many ways to say SCREW THIS.
  
  
• Cubs get three runs. 2 RBI on a double for Barrett, and Macias scored on a passed ball. Anyone feeling a "Glen-don Rusch! Glen-don Rusch!" chant coming on?
  
  
• I take back my chant. With two outs and two more runs in for the Mets, Dusty brings in Novoa. This baffles me. How can this make sense? Maybe Dusty was listening to the Beastie Boys on his way to Queens: "Listen all of y'all it's a SABOTAGE."
  
  
• Fan cam: 1 for 10. Fan cam is slumping too. Plus I just realized I don't get the game tomorrow because of the Fox blackout. What else can go wrong with this team for me?
  
  
• Neifi and Macias and Hollandsworth [are starting]? In an urgent game? That's three bench players. I predict at least six groundouts to second from these three. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm pissed before this one even starts. And that's after a fan's day off. Good god.
  
  
• Maybe I can relax by watching the Simpsons between innings. Lisa is in an amateur singing TV contest. "Springfield! Where nobody sucks. (Except for Flanders.)"
  
  
• Beltran scores on a ground ball single, all the way from first. You've got to be kidding me. Burnitz wouldn't let that happen, even if he is slumping this week. Umm, Dusty? I wonder if somewhere there's a Mets fan fortune cookie writer laughing his ass off in Chinatown.
  
  
• Hollandsworth grounds to second: 4-6-3 DP. Raise your hand if you saw that one coming. Wait, we can count faster if everyone raises their hand that didn't see that one coming instead.
  
  
• Floyd cannonblasts a homerun to right field. (I'm going to invent new verbs for the rest of the game to stay interested.)
  
  
• My favorite made-up verb is still "to farnsworth." As in, Kyle farnsworthed Paul Miller, and it was awesome to see Miller walk away with his nose bleeding. Man, remember those days, when being a Cubs fan was fun?