Best Of Game Notes Vol. 10

Well, it's been another brutal two weeks. The Cubs had a chance to get back to .500 with two games to go in Colorado, against vulnerable pitching. Instead, they dropped them both and tumbled right back to the bottom of the hole they're trying to climb out from.



Anyway, here are the Game Notes highlights from the last two weeks, in search of a tiny bit of levity as always.

• Murton singles. Bob: "It's amazing he's been able to keep his swing with only three at bats in the last week." Nice subtlety. We all agree he should be seeing more PT.
  
  
• Fan cam: 3 for 14, but with '70s night it seemed more about costumes than hot chicks.
  
  
• It's Jimmy "JJ" Walker singing the stretch, but it's NOT Good Times.
  
  
• Let's see, should I watch the last two innings or should I watch White Men Can't Jump on Black Starz. "You said we goin' t' Sizzla, man!"
  
  
• Lawton singles with two outs. Keeping it alive. Or should I say "Staying Alive" in the spirit of '70s night.
  
  
• JCB: "Screw it. I'm typing these up tomorrow. I don't want to think about this right now."
  
  RDS: "Nice. Next thing you know, you'll quit your job and skip town. Wait a minute..."
  
  JCB: "Maybe I should have gone to Sri Lanka. It's supposed to be beautiful, and they're between civil wars for maybe a few more months, I hear. Maybe I could find work at a tea plantation, and ponder ways for the Cubs to win in 2006 as I stare at the rolling mists."
  
  KJM: "I hear it is a dry heat in Sri Lanka, much like Austin. I don't know if Coldplay is making a stop at Sri Lanka City Limits Music Festival though."
  
  JCB: "Maybe I could start the annual Bay of Bengal Bash.
  
  (I'm sorry. That was really bad. I don't know what compelled me to make such an awful joke.)
  
  (And please don't follow up with a "Walk Like An Egyptian" / Bangles joke. Please. For the love of god.)"
  
  
• Between innings, Maddux rolled a ball across the dugout roof to a woman in the front row. There was a marriage proposal written on it from the guy sitting next to her. I guess they were from Las Vegas, like Maddux. That's pretty cool. She was even wearing a Maddux jersey. That's much better than the scoreboard proposal.
  
  
• Hill walks Encarnacion. He just walked the #8 hitter for a run. HELL. The Chicago Cubs: a tragicomedy in 162 parts.
  
  
• I wonder if Dan Jiggets plays softball.
  
  
• Maybe they could just do fan cam for a whole inning. For the sake of the ratings, if nothing else.
  
  
• Wade Boggs is introduced for the stretch as a hall of famer, next to Sandberg, introduced as a future hall of famer. Has Wayne Messmer started drinking already too?
  
  
• Wade Boggs does a Harry Caray impersonation. B-.
  
  
• KJM: "Bring back Wellemeyer! I need someone to hang out with at the bar down the street...it just hasn't been the same since TW went down to AAA (that's three A's, not two)"
  
  
• Joe Morgan's finest: "Well, the reason there are shadows is because the light can't reach right there." No kidding, Joe?
  
  
• KJM: "Seriously, this is all you have? Watching the game in Chicago, in HD, with a room full of comedic geniuses and this is all you got? I expected more."
  
  
• It does seem like there was a lot more material I should recall, but to be honest I was still in a fog from the weekend. I do have to say, however, that I questioned the Macias pinch hit move last night by Dusty Baker, and then he came through to get the extra runs. [...]If I'm going to put up a ridiculous post with examples of when he screws up, I should be willing to point out that the next game I watched he made great moves to win the ballgame. I am humbled like Stephen Jackson when he tested the free agent market only to end up in Atlanta for less money than he would have made if he stayed in San Antonio in the summer of 2003.
  
  
• KJM called to report that in the pregame interview with Ron Santo, Dusty Baker said, "We flew the G Unit in last night. We didn't want the G Unit to be spent." The G Unit is Glendon Rusch. I don't know what to say.
  
  
• Let's see if we can come up with a worse nickname for Rusch. How about the "G Train?" Or the "G Fifth String?" Or the "G Spot Starter?" Somebody stop me.
  
  
• Wuertz walks Berkman, who gets a gift RBI with no outs. I can't [effing] believe this.
  
  
• 12 batters and 6 runs later, the inning is mercifully over. What a crushing inning that was. It feels like when Mikey found out Zack already asked Shana to the dance during the Miss Bliss years.
  
  
• Neifi Perez and Todd Hollandsworth pinch hit for Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez. I guess it's safe to mail this one in. I don't think we're going to see a last minute headline error in the Chicago Tribune like in the 1948 presidential election ("DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN").
  
  
• Blanco takes a foul ball off his shin, and Len mentions that in his catcher's gear he looks like he could be in KISS. KJM sent me a text message that he liked the KISS reference, but I don't get what KISS has to do with shin guards.
  
  
• Actually, one of the women in charge of the music for the contemporary service at my parents' church is one of the original members of KISS's sister. I think it's Ace Frehley, but I can't remember for sure. I'm pretty sure the family disowned him for at least a while there.
  
  
• Bob Brenley plays guitar? No kidding. How has this never come up while I'm watching? I would have pegged him for a mouth instrument, like the harmonica or the Jew's harp.
  
  
• There's a mascot hall of fame? Apparently it's in Philadelphia. Is there an honorary spot for Dancin' Homer?
  
  
• Burnitz reaches on E4. It would have been a DP. Burnitz needs that kind of help right now. He must have been burning incense in the clubhouse.
  
  
• The FSN Houston note on Nomar is "Name sounds great when pronounced with a Boston accent." It's like I'm in another country sometimes.
  
  
• FSN guys call Oswalt "the wizard." I hope he's more like Saruman than Gandalf tonight -- and that the Cubs are the Ents. (I went to the bar while they fixed my AC this afternoon.)
  
  
• Hollandsworth comes in for Burnitz on a double switch. HELL. The FSN Houston team speculates that Hollandsworth must be better on defense: "Up 2 in the 9th you wouldn't want to weaken your defense..." WRONG! It's common sense to them, but not to Dusty. Is there any explanation, other than Hollandsworth looked bored?
  
  
• They call Byung-Hyun Kim "BK." I will now adopt this. BK walks Walker.
  
  
• Watching Cheers during commercials, Diane just said, "That's like calling Spinoza to settle an argument between Nietzsche and Schopenhauer." Coach: "She's got a point there."
  
  
• Hurdle takes down Acevedo. So, why let him hit last inning? Clint Hurdle Dustied that one.
  
  
• Apparently Colorado also has Comcast for an ISP. Poor bastards.
  
  
• Behind home plate there's a Starter advertisement. Rockies Starter jackets are really popular. Oh wait -- that was a dozen years ago.
  
  
• Patterson pops to short left on the first pitch. 5 LOB through 4. After two turns, I think we can call the Neifi-Corey combo an official RBI leak.
  
  
• Fan cam: 0 for 10. In fact, I haven't seen a single hot chick this entire broadcast. Most of those girls look worse than Lacey from the Real World Austin.
  
  
• Len mentions that the White Sox have lost 7 in a row. I had no idea. I need to get my head out of the sand, I take it. Important things are happening in the world at large, and I'm as oblivious as Ernie Pantuso lately.
  
  
• Neifi pops out on the infield fly rule. Then Corey grounds the first pitch to second base. Put them at the top, or at the bottom, it doesn't matter -- Neifi & Corey just let RBIs sneak away.
  
  
• I'm also very annoyed that they never even tried a running game. Greene is one of the worst catchers in the league at throwing out runners, and the Cubs never even twitched on the basepaths while they stranded 10. That's weak.
  
  
• When you think about it, isn't the Rocky Mountains kind of a dumb name for a mountain chain? I mean, they don't call the Great Lakes the Watery Lakes. Those must have been some redundant and unimaginative settlers.
  
  
• Burnitz singles. Len calls it a humpback liner, just over Atkins. Now that's some good descripting.
  
  
• Fan cam goes 1 for 8. It took until the very last camera shot to get a good looking woman on camera. WGN should have dug deeper, because right now the fans need all the uplifting imagery we can get.