Best of Game Notes Vol. 1

Knowing that many of you don't read my Game Notes, I've decided that two weeks in I'll post a "best of Game Notes" posting. And why would you read them, unless you watched the game? They're just observations I write down while I'm keeping score, then transcribe. For this one, I went back through and picked out humorous items only. Although, looking back, do you realize Dusty has double-switched Macias into the game like 4 or 5 times already, at multiple positions? Is he trying to set some kind of double-switch record?



Also: don't forget to vote in the new poll. I opened it up to guest voting this time, although I'd love to see more people register for the forum, especially to help me out with observations in the game notes, or links in the running links.



On to the list. (Items in chronological order)

• Did you catch the old guy falling over the railing onto the field trying to get a fly ball? That's what distinguishes Wrigley field: at Bank One Ballpark, you don't immediately assume he's drunk.
  
  
• The Cubs just walked in a run. Here I thought we had ditched Kyle Farnsworth. Oh wait, it was Zambrano. At least he got ejected over it after Dusty was pulling him from the game. If only it was in Chicago so Z could go out drinking all night in Wrigleyville-- it would be like Farnsworth never left.
  
  
• You will never see me refer to Corey Patterson as C-Patt, as JMI did. Here's why: C-Patt is to Corey Patterson as ________ is to Jennifer Lopez. Domino. We will now refer to him as Patterson, Corey, or CP. That is all.
  
  
• I promise not to go off on commercials too often because it would saturate these posts, but that commercial with Pujols in the mask really blows.
  
  
• Actual quote from Bob Brenley: "he thought that I thought that he thought that I thought that he thought I was gonna go back inside again."
  
  
• Len & Bob just broke Chip & Steve's all time record for consecutive games (1) without mentioning who paid for dinner last night.
  
  
• Plus, Len & Bob are boring me to death. Seriously, they're like Ben Stein doing roll call in the Wonder Years or Ferris Bueller's Day off. I'm regretting my decision not to drink during the game because I have to work tomorrow.
  
  
• Seconds until the “Car-los” chant begins when the Brewers take the field: approximately 35. Well done, bleacher bums. Lee turns around and acknowledges some of the chants: “Scott Po-sed-nik.” “I got Ozzie Guillen on the phone. He says you suck.” “The White Sox don’t like me. Waaa-aaaa-aaa.”
  
  
• I’m not really at liberty to comment about the women sitting in front of us for thong-based reasons.
  
  
• Latroy Hawkins is warming up. Bob [not Brenley] calls him “Latoya.” I think this one has staying power.
  
  
• Dusty just took out Nomar in a double switch. Keeping score, I realize this and point it out to everyone. No one can figure out why he did this. I hear comments of “That’s just a bad move.” “That’s just very bad managing.” I agree. This makes no sense. A double-switch is unnecessary, but if you have to double-switch, you should put in Todd Walker for Hairston, not Neifi Perez for Nomar. Dusty just sabotaged his lineup for the extra innings. Fans in the bleachers, including myself, are furious. We’re becoming very negative.
  
  
• We’re too strung out to go to the bar. This one drained us. We’re sunburnt, thirsty, pissed off, and sober. This is not how you should exit the bleachers.
  
  
• Heard in the stands, after talking about where Kyle Farnsworth is now, and why he won't be picking up women in Wrigleyville: "A friend of a girl I was dating is banging Chris Duhon, if you're into the Bulls." "I'm into monogamy, but thanks for offering."
  
  
• On the scoreboard: "Ashley - Will you go to prom with me?"
  
  
• Heard in the stands: "She gets distracted by head."
  
  
• "When the shot girl says Oh My God -- now THAT'S Old Style."
  
  
• One girl, commenting about the girls at the BBQ: "Why would they be offended? It's not like I was making fun of fat people."
  
  
• Len & Bob just agreed that if the Cubs win 10 in a row, Bob will shave his mustache but Len will grow one. Bob: "I haven't shaved my mustache since 1983." Do you think the WGN PR people told them that they needed to display some personality? Because that's what I'm figuring.
  
  
• Patterson strikes out again. Is anyone surprised?
  
  
• Len brings up how Dempster is just now coming back from injury...as a starter. He's a Dempster apologist. Worse, Bob plays yes man, agreeing to everything. Bob: DO NOT BE A YES MAN! I had enough of that with Joe Carter & Dave Otto.
  
  
• Len cites Vin Scully with the line "Adam Eaton out of his hands." (Had em eatin') Len & Bob are literally sucking my sense of humor right out of me game by game.
  
  
• Bob notices how a ball "snuggles up against the wall." My roommate chimes over with "There's no snuggling in baseball!"
  
  
• I counted: fan cam showed 1 hot chick out of 14 camera shots on a WGN broadcast. This is perhaps the poorest run of WGN fan cams we've seen in years.
  
  
• Len notices that the Hollandsworth Fan Club is yawning and not holding up their signs. Good point. This is not a true fan club, if they're yawning while their guy is at bat in the 9th in a one run game. It's probably just a gimmick to get on TV. Jackasses.
  
  
• You know fan cam isn't having a good day when my roommate pulls out the "Badonkadonk" jokes.
  
  
• Nomar really needs a hit. If we wanted a shortstop to hit .156 we could have kept Ramon Martinez.
  
  
• Why is Bartosh still pitching? You leave a situational lefty in to work in a third inning? Why?!?
  
  
• Fan cam: 0 for 5. That's right -- 0 hot chicks in a special fan cam segment with background music and everything. Is Len mormon or something?
  
  
• Bob tells us that with baseball, "It's up to how the players play the game." He could not have made a more obvious point if he had said "In baseball, you only win if you score more runs" or "Madonna looked really skanky in her 'Vogue' video."
  
  
• I'm pretty sure the Rogue brewery is taking the country by storm. Rogue Dead Guy ale is great, and Rogue Hazelnut is outstanding. Kevin has Rogue Hazelnut on draft in the kegerator we built when he was my roommate. Delicious.
  
  
• Bob: "Baby needs new shoes. You better start hitting." Seriously, he said that. Make it stop!
  
  
• Bob: Nomar's "wristbands are comcast red, aren't they." Bob & Len's broadcast is like death by 1000 paper cuts.
  
  
• Len shares that 84512 is the ZIP for Bluff, Utah. Hey Len: It's a one run ballgame. Save that shit for blowouts unless you can work out a good punchline, OK?
  
  
• Dusty just double-switched Macias for Hollandsworth. Umm...Dusty? TH just ripped a triple last inning. Why double switch here? You double switch for defensive improvement, to let your pitcher pitch in more than one inning, or occasionally because you're low on pinch hitters. NONE OF THESE ARE THE CASE. Macias is not a defensive upgrade. Plus, why are you even concerned about where the pitcher is hitting in the lineup when you have a one-run lead. Especially since you can just PINCH HIT for him next inning. Unless Chad Fox is going to close the game, and there's no way Dusty will pull that.
  
  
• I guess what I'm saying is that this double switch is nonsense. There's not one good reason to do it, unless the prophet spoke to Dusty decreeing that Thou Shalt Double Switch Macias Into The Game For The Last Batter No Matter What. It can't be too much longer until Dusty brings in Macias to catch for Barrett.
  
  
• With a camera shot of the river, Bob gives us this gem: "I bet there are some catfish out there that are as big as a pick-up truck." Umm, yeah.
  
  
• Pittsburgh ripped off Milwaukee's sausage race with a pierogi race. (I had to check the spelling of 'pierogi,' a case of dough filled with a savory filling (as of meat, cheese, or vegetables) and cooked by boiling and then panfrying.)
  
  
• Dubois pinch hits for Maddux. No! Why, Dusty, why? He's only thrown 77 pitches, allowed 2 runs on a busted inning, and that's it. He's had great stuff, and Blanco has him rolling. Your bullen is not that great, Dusty. Maddux has to be pissed off. He deserved a shot at a win. Other than the busted inning, he only allowed one hit, on the first at bat of the game. Since the busted inning, he's retired 10 in a row. Plus you don't have a day off for a week and you've been using your pen a lot. God damn it. This makes no sense. It's like Dusty is coaching the JV team, trying to get guys ready for varsity rather than trying to get wins. WE NEED THIS WIN. Why not let Maddux keep pitching? Why?!?
  
  
• Fan cam just went 9 for 10! Fan cam is back! 10 camera shots, 9 with hot chicks! (OK, a few were stretches, but it is Pittsburgh after all. I doubt those pierogi's help matters in the hot chick dept.)
  
  
• Redman, on the other hand, should not be left in right here, except that the Pirates bullpen sucks. I thought he looked gassed in the 6th. Maybe Dusty & McClendon went to managing camp together. There's only a handful of black MLB managers, so there's a good chance they'd have been roommates.
  
  
• It's too bad Dusty & Latoya can't play the Pirates every game.
  
  
• Maybe I should send my list of grievances with Dusty Baker to Jay Mariotti and let him write a venomous column.
  
  

[Editor's note: the joke about black managers isn't meant with racist connotations. Race is obviously part of the joke, but I don't think race has anything to do with managing skills. It was more of a joke about history and American culture and how I might imagine a 1970s "managing camp" for kids who might be managers one day might look. I did not mean to imply that these 2 are bad managers because they're black, or any derivative thereof. I've always thought McClendon sucked, and this year Dusty is just baffling me.]